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Frankie’s Letter

Dear Mr. Capitalism,

My name is Franklin. Well, that’s the name my momma gave me, everybody calls me Frankie.

I’m not much of a writer, so this’ll be short. I work hard. Forty-five, fifty hours a week. My cousin has a car-detailing place that I work at a few days, and there’s a Best Buy in a nice neighborhood not too far where I haul boxes on the forklift. Problem is, I just can’t make enough money to make ends meet. I got five people to support: myself, momma, my sister Emma and her two little kids Janice and Jessica. Emma’s on disability because of a back problem and my momma hasn’t worked in years.

I just want to ask what you think I can do to make some money with the economy like it is? I mean, I make ten bucks an hour busting my ass, and I’m not gettin’ anywhere. I got car payments, rent payments, gotta feed those little kids—they’re skinny as it is, and my momma’s got this heart condition that the doctors just can’t quite figure out yet, and she’s not hardly covered for nuthin’ by Blue Cross. Man, I even got a notice the other day that they’re going to repossess our TV, but it was only a ‘First Notice,’ so at least I’ve got some time on that one.

Got any money-making schemes you can let me in on?

Thanks man,

Frankie.

Dear Frankie,

 I got to level with you, things around here are gonna be crazy the next few weeks after Hugo kicked the bucket. Latin America was slipping away from us for a little while there, but now we’ve got to seize the moment to privatize, privatize, privatize!!!

Anyway, because of that, I’m not going to be able to respond to your message directly—you just don’t make enough cash for me to care about you right now. I’m sure you understand. Instead I’ve asked 50 Cent to come in and sing you the chorus from his hit, ‘I Get Money’ (courtesy of Universal Music Group’s Interscope Records. All rights reserved.):

 

I get money, money is got (I I get it)
I get money, money is got (I I get it)
I get money, money is got (Yeah)
Money I got, money is got (I run New York!)
I get money, money is got (I I get it)
I get money, money is got (I I get it)
I get money, money is got (Yeah yeah)
Money I got, money is got (I run New York!)

 

Truer words have never been spoken. Hope that helps!

MISTER CAPITALISM

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