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Sarah’s Letter

Dear Mister Capitalism,

If you could, I would like you to comment on the recent decision by the US Senate to vote against strengthening hand gun laws. This vote happened despite popular support for the bill, even from some of the more gun-toting States, largely because of the rash of school and workplace shootings in recent years.

I would like to add that I myself live in Pittsburgh, one of the many large cities of the US which have a problem not only with violent outbursts like Columbine or Newtown, but also with the day to day violence of hand guns. I certainly applaud the parents who stood up for this bill because their children were gunned-down by a mentally unstable man who was able to easily procure a hand gun, but isn’t there an even larger issue here? In the United States each year somewhere in the neighborhood of 12,000 people are killed with guns. TWELVE THOUSAND! This is not to mention the literally tens of thousands more who are wounded by gunfire each year. Compare that to the DOZEN or so gun murders in a country like Japan where gun control laws are so strict that even to possess one is a serious offense. TWELVE.

It is a shame that somehow this became a partisan issue in the US where people seem to leave their beliefs and politics at the door to engage in our absurd daily battle: Blue vs. Red. The Blue Team against the Red Team. Issue or context be damned, if one Team wants something, then the other Team has to vote against it no matter what. This kind of narrow-minded behavior is one of the reasons our country has become so hated around the world, and it is high time we went back to our constitution and tried to live by the ideals that were set forth in it all those years ago.

I urge you to be a real patriot and a real American and stand up for what is right, Mr.Capitalism. In this case, the way to do that is to support gun control so we stop all the innocent bloodshed.


Sarah Smith.

Dear Sarah,

How dare you try to throw the constitution in my face or question my patriotism! I support this country more than almost every other citizen. I support our military by making sure they have the best weapons/bombs available to them, and I make certain our police forces have adequate firepower to fight all these thugs, homos and crazies who commit these crimes in the first place. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. I mean, it’s not like our police and soldiers kill Americans! (except for when we arm our military to shoot protestors, those are shot by well-trained professionals . . . and except for the soldiers who come home from war and shoot their wives and children . . . and except for that nutso cop in California recently who went on that rampage. These people don’t count, they’re just aberrations.)

And what of that constitution? Have you even bothered to read the Second Amendment? (me neither, ha!) However, my monthly package from the NRA has done the interpretation for me, and it has been made clear that the right to bear arms is an intrinsic aspect of the American way. We need to guard against tyranny at every turn! Tyranny at home, tyranny from abroad, and the tyranny of someone trying to steal my flatscreen TV!

Speaking of tyranny, can you believe this Obama guy trying to tell the States what to do? What’s next, is he going to tell everyone they have to accept gays? And what’s after that, animal rights equal with human rights? It’s all a slippery slope to bestiality, anarchy and a central government that controls your mind with microchips. I don’t want to live in that kind of world, do you?

So, in summation Sarah, no I will not support this law even if those kids did get killed. The solution has already been trumpeted left and right across the US if you were just paying attention: arm the teachers! Hell, arm the children too! If every one of those students and faculty had a hand gun, then only one person would have been killed—the crazy guy! I also have an idea of how to achieve this at no additional cost to taxpayers! I know plenty of gun manufacturers who would be glad to provide a free daily class on gun acquisition, maintenance and proper use in the public schools of America! We would simply have to eliminate one of those non-income generating classes like music, or art, or English. (*as for eliminating English: if you can’t speak it, get out of my country!)

Done and done.



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