Amrit’s Letter

Dear Mr.Capitalism,

I need to get this off my chest. I voted for Rob Ford for the Mayor of Toronto in 2010. I liked his policies and I liked him as a person. He seemed like a straight-shooter who was going to stop wasting public money on things that just didn’t make sense for the city to pay for. If you are homeless, I say get a job. If you are hungry, I stop stop wasting money on cell phone payments and beer. When Rob talked about the “gravy train” I was totally on board, and we were definitely going in the same direction.

I would imagine you know where I’m going with this.

Just over a month ago this whole scandal hit accusing Mr.Ford of smoking crack and the concurrent claim emerged that a video had been taken of him doing said illegal act. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, especially since the original publications making these claims were Gawker and the Toronto Star which I place right along MSNBC and Pravda for bullshit left-wing news. (Rob would call them pinkos, God bless him.) However, I had to admit some trepidation about my views when the mayor refused to come out immediately to emphatically deny all claims. The Rob Ford I know would have sued the pants off anyone who accused him of anything, let alone a crime as heinous as crack-usage.

And then the dominoes really started to fall . . . one of the people in the photographs (and presumably the video) with Rob turned up dead. Then and only then did Ford come out to say the video did not exist. Strange timing to be sure. Finally, just a few days back, the remaining men in the photo were arrested in Western Canada and some nutso computer hackers now claim to be close to acquiring the video in question. I must admit that even I would like to see the alleged video, especially since the online campaign to buy the footage from the drug dealers long ago surpassed the $200,000 goal.

So my question for you Mr.C is this: Rob is going to be coming up for election again in the near future, and I still support both his ideologies and his policies. However, I am no longer so sure about the man himself, and whether or not he is fit to lead a city of more than four million people. What should I do?

Amrit Singh

Dear Amrit,

Hello to all my readers North of the border! How are the igloos and the maple syrup? Just kidding, I know it doesn’t snow every day in Canada, that’s just a myth.

I have to say that not much news from way up there trickles down here, but when Jon Stewart AND Jay Leno feel compelled to comment, it must be serious news!

To answer your question directly, I have always thought that people’s personal lives should be kept separate from their political careers (except for that Eliot Spitzer, he deserved everything he got, the scumbag). God knows that if people were privy to everything I did I might not be as popular worldwide as I am today.

However, and I’m going to take a deep breathe before I write this . . . even Mr.Capitalism has his limits. I would not vote for someone who (even allegedly) smokes crack while in office. This isn’t a little weed after a tough day at City Hall, or getting drunk on July 4th (er, or whatever holidays you crazy Canucks celebrate . . . Moose Day?) This is crack. CRACK!?! If you can’t deny this better than Mr.Ford has, and if this many people within his cabinet have resigned over these claims, well, we all know the story of smoke and fire.

Just find another politician in Toronto who doesn’t like wasting cash on homeless people or women’s shelters or bike lanes or what have you. Believe me, there’s lots of non-crack smoking right-wingers up there who feel exactly the same way that Mr.Ford does. Maybe it’s the whole city who is smoking; how did you elect this guy in the first place? Jeez.

MISTER CAPITALISM

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